The Decision Making Process: Love vs Fear
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“Learning to live my best, most adventurous life by choosing love over fear and listening to my true north.”
This concept of love vs fear was one of my first profound moments of my personal development journey. Not only did it simplify the decision making process by narrowing down my choices (one is fear based and the other is love based) but it helped me choose the decisions that would lead me to my True North. It made me realize that the majority of my choices over my lifetime were made out of fear and to realize it didn’t have to be like that moving forward was draw dropping.
Coming off of a post about becoming very clear around the things that light our souls on fire and especially around the idea of taking the leap and going for a big dream or goal, digging deeper into love vs fear was really fitting. Because you are not going to make it too far if you are making all of your decisions out of fear rather than love for yourself.
Making a decision out of fear is choosing to listen to the part of you that is always pulling on your fear strings. Most often than not, we make this choice because we are, obviously, afraid of something. Whether it be saying yes to take on another task even though you are completely maxed out but you don't want to hurt the other person's feelings by saying no. Or you decide to spend extra hours in the gym and cut back calories because you are feeling guilty about something you ate last night, or you deny a promotion because you are afraid you will fail.
When we choose to listen to fear, we are saying no to new and unknown possibilities. We close the door on ourselves because we were afraid to step into the unknown.
Most of my decisions in life had been made out of fear of “fill in the blank.” Afraid of failure, afraid of disappointing someone, afraid of gaining weight, afraid of not being good enough, afraid of looking stupid, afraid of being judged. Because I let fear drive decisions I ended up living a live I wasn’t excited to live. I was in constant fear of the unknown and ultimately I was unhappy because I was too afraid to be myself. I LET fear drive all of my behaviors, relationships, conversations. It was fear talking, not me.
So how do we determine if we are letting fear do all of the decision making? Whenever I am faced with a decision, simple or difficult I go through these questions:
1. What are my options?
2. Which one is based out of fear - which one is based out of love for myself?
3. What is it that I am afraid of (that would lead me to make the fear based decision)
4. What would the love based decision do for me?
5. What is the best thing that could happen with this scenario?
6. Am i choosing to believe the worst thing that could happen? Why?
As someone who was heavily addicted to exercise, being aware of why I am doing what I am doing when it comes to working out is important. Why am I spending an extra hour at the gym today? Am I feeling guilty about something I ate over the weekend (fear)? Or am I feeling so on fire today and moving my body feels good and I really want to be at the gym for an extra hour (love).
Or maybe it looks like this.. why are you not going to the gym today? Are you tired and need a day off (love)? Or are you afraid you are not going to reach a goal you set so you might as well not even try (fear)? Understand what is driving that choice and if it is fear, evaluate your other option.
So much of our decision making process or choosing those choices out of love for ourselves relies on getting VERY clear on the things that light our souls on fire and what it is we want to do and accomplish in this life.
Because once we have a solid understanding of the things that are important to us and what makes us happy, we can make choices that align with those things rather than side with fear.
So next time you’re faced with a decision think about your options, “am I making this choice out of love for myself or because I am afraid of something that hasn’t even happened yet and I am choosing to let that fear of the unknown drive me back into my safe corner where things feel safe and mediocre.. Or are you going to make that perhaps slightly scarier choice and believe that the best case scenario will occur and you are driven that much closer to your goals and dreams that you have for this life. BOTH OPTIONS ARE POSSIBLE AND BOTH ARE YOUR CHOICE. We so often limit ourselves because we CHOOSE to listen to the fear.
You know how you would do anything for the loved ones in your life? Imagine what could come your way if you treated yourself like that too. Love yourself so much that you are constantly making choices because you want the very best for yourself.
