Learning to listen to my body has allowed me to make the kinds of decisions that are right for me in the exact moment I am living in as well as create a deeper connection to my intuition. This lesson is the reason I have decided to shift my brand and my message because it is one of the most important and life altering lessons in my life thus far. If I can help just one person learn how to listen and trust their body again, then holy moly that is all I could ever ask for.
During the years where my disordered eating and exercise addiction habits were at their highest, I knew deep down that I didn’t trust my body. Every decision was made with a “my mind knows best” mentality, I went against everything my body was telling me - “stop you’re tired,” “hey I’m hungry,” “stop I’m full.” I was actively hurting myself everyday. I didn't trust that I could have just one cookie, so I didn't eat cookies, and when I did, it was like I got ahold of the shiny toy I wasn’t allowed to have, “HA you said I couldn't have this, so I am going to eat this entire box,” leading to the vicious binge, restrict cycle.
Everything I did was because of what I ate, or didn't eat, how much I exercised or how little I exercised and my self worth was based on how well I achieved the goals I set for my body that day.
I felt disconnected with the humans around me, I was in a state of constant comparison, of I am not good enough unless... and I was suppressing every feeling I had truly believing that vulnerability meant weakness, and people must not know I am weak. The person I was identifying with - the “I have my shit together person” was not the person I was or the person I wanted to be. I felt the deepest, darkest kind of emptiness, completely and utterly alone and ultimately misunderstood. I had zero trust for myself and I didn't know how to deal with my self destructing thoughts, so I did everything I could to please them or numb them.
Over time and throughout my recovery process I realized that I had a complete disconnect between my mind and my body, I didn’t trust my body to make decisions for me so I resorted to “my mind knows best.” But what I have learned is that my mind tends to hold the doubts, the chatter, the inner critic, the what ifs and the shoulds… the fear based decisions. I’ve learned the binge restrict cycle and the obsessive exercising was out of fear of something in the future (gaining weight and actually feeling my feelings).
I was making all of my decisions based on that fear rather than just understanding what my body needs in this very moment.
So I started working on what it meant to trust myself again, what it meant to listen to my body in the moment. This list contains the main lessons that helped me build a better relationship with my body:
Getting quiet with myself and learning how to channel my intuition. This sounds silly but even just a few minutes to ourselves to just listen is so magical during the craziness of life. 5 minutes a day first thing in the morning is all it takes to start creating that connection with your body and your soul again.
My feelings are good and valid and learning how to actually deal with them as they occur rather than numbing them out.
My self worth and approval comes from within NOT externally
To stop labeling food as good vs bad : food is just fuel. THIS IS SO IMPORTANT. Some food gives me more energy than others and that is now how I base my decisions on what and what not to eat at a given moment.
Moving my body based on what gives me enjoyment not based on what I have eaten or what I haven’t eaten. As soon as we can start disconnecting exercise and food we can start moving away from the “have to mentality” and into the enjoyment mentality.
Most importantly: learning how to be nice to myself. Our decisions just lead us to more information, beating ourselves up over something we cannot go back and change is just wasted energy. Learning to be curious about our outcomes rather than hard on ourselves gives us the opportunity to learn, to really be in tune about how we felt about the outcome rather than the “should.”
Through all of these methods I have learned what it truly means to be in tune with my body. Because of that, I have gotten off of the binge/restrict cycle, I move my body for pleasure, and I make my decisions based on what feels good right now. I trust my body again, something I didn’t do for YEARS and because of that I have been able to make big, amazing shifts in my life.
I have also gotten off of the extreme weight fluctuation train, it is so much easier to maintain my body's healthy, ideal weight than it is to bounce up and down the scale from extreme restricting and binging.
All of these learnings is why I have decided to start my new program, Move with Radiance.
Through this program I help you navigate your own thoughts to help you discover what it means to listen to your own body and ultimately help you find movement you enjoy. If you are at all interested, visit this link.
Learning how to get quiet and listen to these beautiful bodies of ours is one of the best things I have learned about myself. Our bodies are so amazing, we are amazing creatures and we have this opportunity to build one of the most sacred relationships of this lifetime... with ourselves.
So If I can give you one take away it is this: