The single concept that I alone choose my worthiness and self approval was one of the most drastic, ah hah, life changing realizations I have ever experienced.
I’ve touched on this in the past but I wanted to make it a focus today because it is so important in our journey to discovering who we are and what truly makes us happy. And until we realize that we choose how we feel about ourselves, we will be forever be searching externally for some of the most important pieces of us, those pieces that we can only find within.
Self acceptance is something I have struggled with my entire life and up until earlier this year I was searching for approval, acceptance, and worthiness from other people. Being liked, accepted, and approved of was a big driver in how I felt about myself and until I received those things from someone else, I didn't believe it. Which meant school, work, any new activity, my view on my body image all were spent trying to prove myself with the goal of hearing the words “you are good enough.”
But yeeeeeshhh, that is so exhausting. I have spent so.much.energy trying to get a certain reaction from people in my life and if you remember my Control Freak Series WE CANNOT CONTROL HOW PEOPLE FEEL ABOUT US. So constantly searching for approval, our self worth, from others is wasted energy and if we keep seeking those things externally, we are always going to be chasing something, we are never going to be satisfied, we are always going to be frustrated, and we are always going to feel “unworthy” or “not good enough.”
When we search for self worth and self approval from other people we are letting them decide how we should feel about ourselves. Let me say that again:
When we search for self worth and self approval from other people, we are putting the decision of how we should feel about ourselves in their hands. See the problem in that?
WE DECIDE HOW WE FEEL ABOUT OURSELVES. No one else. Do not give that power away. WE define our self worth, so for goodness sake choose to believe with your whole heart that you are worthy, that you do not need to be like anyone else, and that you are so important. Love yourself, accept yourself, make the relationship with yourself a PRIORITY.
As soon as you start finding yourself searching for that approval externally, stop and sit with it for a moment. Learn to recognize the things you are looking for externally and understand why. It’s never good to just shove these things under a rug and hope that they will take care of themselves because the way we feel can tell us SO MUCH.
Every single time I realize I am looking outwardly for the answers of worth and approval I ask myself the following:
1. What is it that I am searching for externally? Why??
2. Is this something that I am internally struggling with as well? Why??
3. Am I changing my behavior to get the external feedback I want? Why??
4. How do I actually want to behave in this situation? Is that behavior something I can be proud of?
5. What would it do for my overall happiness and wellbeing if I chose my self worth in this situation, if I decided what that definition was?
After examining what it is that you are searching for externally realize that the only person you can get this from is yourself. I started repeating the phrase, “I AM ENOUGH.” Try it, it’s one of my favorite mantras.
So friends, give yourself permission to drop the opinions of others, to be stoked for yourself, to recognize your accomplishments and improvements and strides in this life. Be proud of you. Tell yourself, I am worthy, I approve. Learn to recognize those moments where you feel self doubt creeping in, where you start searching externally to get rid of it, and rather than letting doubt (that fear) win, replace it with “I am enough” AND BELIEVE IT. The more we practice this the more space and energy we can free up to live our best life, to discover what makes us truly happy, and to lead us closer to our True North.